When a Loved One Passes
While performing caregiving, events will occur that are not welcomed or prepared for. Death is one of them. It is never an easy subject to discuss or experience. Caring for our loved one(s) with kindness and compassion — not always making decisions they agree with, but doing it for their best interest and safety — will make it easier to deal with death.
When a loved one transitions, take time to cry “in the moment.” Allow others to comfort you. Take the time to listen to family members who were not present when the death occurred. They will often ask questions about the person’s last moments and final words. This information will help them as they move through their grief processes.
After removal of remains, take a few deep breaths, sit alone and reflect upon your feelings of loss and fear of the unknown. Some like to walk through or sit in the space where death occurred – sensing the presence and aroma of their loved one.
The following is a list of things to do:
1. Consider the type of funeral service, burial and committal that your loved one wanted. If cremation is requested, be knowledgeable of crematories to contact and avoid funeral homes that don’t provide the direct services.
2. Notify family members, friends, neighbors and co-workers to inform them of the death. Others may assist you with calls or a social media announcement.
3. Call life insurance companies, employers, pension plans, investment companies, Social Security, Medicare, and Veterans Administration.
4. Visit or call the funeral home, crematory and cemetery to arrange date, time and location of funeral services.
5. Meet with pastor or church officials to confirm funeral arrangements and discuss order of services.
6. Notify family members, friends, neighbors and co-workers of funeral arrangements.
7. Meet with florist and choose floral arrangements.
8. Prepare obituary if not prepared by deceased. Inform persons on the program confirming the date, time and location.
9. Relax before day of service so that you will have the energy to welcome guests, accepts condolences and have good memories of funeral service, burial or memorial.
Some families have a repast following services. This is not a must. If one is being held, assign the responsibility to family members, friends or professional caterers. This is your time to relax, have conversations with those present and not be tired out from fixing and serving food.
The above list serves as a guide for bereaved family members. Advance Care Planning and funeral pre-planning helps and avoids time spent wondering what your loved ones’ wishes were.
In future months, death certificates will be requested from several companies to settle accounts. Mail “Thank You” cards. It’s never too late to say thank you.
Be encouraged by rereading sympathy cards, notes, floral cards and remembering your loved one. Take time for self-care. Give yourself time to grieve. Grief has no expiration date.
Rev. Jiles Taylor-George, RN, BSN, MSN is a native of Tallahatchie County. She is a Certified Family Caregiver Support Group Facilitator.
